101 Reasons to be Happy You’re Single on Valentine’s Day

While Valentine’s Day may be about romantic love, intimate relationships, and celebrating coupledom – not to mention disturbing origins that revolve around animal sacrifice and whippings (!) – it can also be a time to appreciate not having those things.

Since about 30% of U.S. adults are single, there should be plenty of people out there who might find comfort in the following list of (mostly) light-hearted reasons that single people can be happy on Valentine’s Day, too.

Disclaimer: This is all in fun. It is not meant to say that romance is bad, just that being single can be good! (But also, romance is bad.)

1. You get all the blankets to yourself
2. Nobody will open the pint of ice cream you’re saving for Friday night and deprive you of the satisfaction of taking that first spoon carve
3. The bathroom is always free
4. The hairs in the drain are yours and, therefore, not gross
5. You can drink out of the oat milk container with nobody to protest 
6. The only person who asks “What do you want for dinner?” is you, inside your own head, and then you have an immediate answer with zero argument
7. Nobody dares eat off your plate – those fries are yours
8. Nobody accidentally uses your toothbrush in a drunken stupor
9. You can watch any movie you want, anytime you want, without asking “Do you want to watch a movie?”
10. You can adopt a pet and name it after your ex
11. You decide where to eat brunch
12. You can read a book while you eat brunch
13. You can flirt with the server while you eat brunch
14. No co-mingling of book collections – that bookshelf is all you. Sorry Tom Clancy
15. When you cook a meal in a frying pan, every morsel in that pan is going into your mouth and your mouth only
16. You can open the windows as much or as little as you want – you will not sweat to death in February or freeze to death in July
17. Nobody will protest if you get up at 5am to go for a run
18. Nobody will protest if you sleep in until 10am (except maybe your dog)
19. The only farts in your bed are yours (or maybe your dog’s)
20. No ugly set of dresser drawers that you secretly hate but tolerate because they “belonged to my grandma”
21. Shaving is optional
22. Grooming is optional
23. Showering is optional
24. You can hang whatever you want on the walls without someone asking “Are you sure you want that there?”
25. The toothpaste tube can be cleaned by you licking it
26. Nobody kicks you in their sleep in the middle of the night
27. The only snoring that wakes you up is your own (and maybe your dog’s)
28. Want to go away for the weekend? You can just do it without telling anyone
29. You can buy whatever you want without joking that you can’t tell your “hubby”
30. You never, ever, ever have to use the word “hubby”
31. Seriously stop saying “hubby,” it’s awful
32. If you want to shake out the toaster every single time you use it, you can – no one will be there to tell you it’s overkill
33. The only dirty underwear on the floor is yours and smells fine because it’s yours
34. No awkward pressure to change your profile pic to two people
35. You don’t have to come home to anyone’s bad mood but your own
36. You can have lunch with an ex you’re still friends with without a long explanation
37. There aren’t double the amount of clothes in the laundry basket
38. No surprise empty cereal boxes put back in the cupboard
39. You can bring home kale *or* a box of Pop Tarts without anyone saying “Ew, gross”
40. The toilet paper is always the good kind (thin, not cushioned)
41. The toilet paper always goes on the correct way (overhand, not underhand)
42. The toilet paper gets replaced immediately (unless you forget, in which case, cool)
43. You can order a pizza and have cold pizza snacks for days
44. If there are too many ugly coffee mugs cluttering up the cabinet, it’s because they’re yours and you love them
45. You can dance with whomever you want to at a party
46. You don’t have to go to a party if you don’t want
47. You don’t have to go to a movie if you don’t want
48. You don’t have to go to a concert if you don’t want
49. Basically you don’t have to sit through anything insufferable when you’d rather be home and eating cold pizza as a snack
50. You can go to CVS at 9:45 pm to buy ice cream without anyone questioning this
51. Your favorite spoon is always available because no one else is currently using it to eat out of the ice cream you bought from CVS at 9:45 pm
52. No need to go out to dinner because you’ve gotten bored with each other and crave a temporary new environment to “keep things interesting”
53. You can watch any tv show you want without a significant other already using the tv to watch the show you don’t like but pretend you do
54. You can go on a long trip while wearing headphones the entire time
55. Nobody else’s bad credit will hurt yours
56. Wedding planning is not something you ever have to do (unless it’s your job, in which case, get that money)
57. No arguing over how much you spend on running gear
58. No resentment when one of you gives the other a more thoughtful birthday gift – um, thanks for the ironing board I guess
59. You might not have anyone to alternate washing the dishes, but they always get done (unless you don’t do them, in which case that’s fine)
60. You can play whatever music you want without wearing headphones, and yes, early 80s synthpop is perfectly acceptable background music to write to
61. You don’t have to cook for anyone else
62. You don’t have to clean up after anyone else
63. You don’t have to do laundry for anyone else
64. You never have to hide in the bathroom for 20 minutes just to get some alone time
65. You don’t often run out of dish soap because you know not to use a freaking pint of it every time you wash dishes
66. It’s quiet
67. It’s peaceful
68. It’s calm
69. There will be no texts popping up on your significant other‘s phone to make you think “I wonder who that’s from. Should I ask? No, that would make me seem insecure. I won’t ask. But why is he smiling? Am I jealous if I ask? Yes. You are. Don’t ask. That’s silly. But I’m curious. Should I ask? Maybe it’s his mom. But what if it’s not?” You don’t ask and then four months later you learn that the text had actually been from the college student he was banging behind your back in New Brunswick
70. More cookies for you
71. Lower electric bill
72. Less stress
73. You are amazed at all the freed up mental energy you have when you don’t have to worry about someone cheating on you, wow, it’s pretty great
74. Nobody you live with will go to the bathroom with the door open
75. You are free to go to the bathroom with the door open
76. No having to break it to your significant other that their feet smell very bad
77. You can read in bed without being bugged to do anything else in bed
78. You can wear whatever sports team attire you want without risk of offending your significant other’s dad/mom/boss/uncle/best friend who happens to be Tom Brady
79. You won’t Google “gaslighting” to see if that’s what is happening to you
80. You can visit your own family on holidays without having to “alternate years because it’s fair” and then have to spend Christmas Eve at his mom’s house where everyone smokes cigarettes indoors without opening any windows like it’s the 1950s
81. You can fall asleep in a starfish position
82. No long phone calls to take up valuable time when you’re traveling
83. You can go out and not have to tell anyone what time you’ll be back
84. You won’t have to do anyone else’s errands because they’re “working a lot and you’re probably free anyway”
85. You won’t be living with someone who has a weird, sudden obsession with owning a fish aquarium that takes up way too much space on the kitchen table
86. You will never get divorced
87. You will never break up
88. There is a chance you might die alone, but it’s okay because after that you’ll be dead and won’t remember anyway
89. You won’t have to think about changing your name, which is what everyone expects, but man, that’s a hell of a lot of paperwork
90. No one will ever ask you “So when are you two having kids?”
91. No kids
92. You don’t have to suddenly worry about paying twice the rent due to a breakup
93. You feel more secure with yourself
94. Nobody is so comfortable with you that they criticize any part of your body
95. You can change careers without having a big discussion about whether it’s “good for the family or not”
96. Nobody uses your chapstick
97. Nobody loses your chapstick
98. Nobody wants to talk about their stressful day at work when you just want to stare at the tv because you also had a stressful day at work and when you’re stressed you’d rather veg out than talk
99. You can go anywhere
100. You can do anything
101. The thought of being single doesn’t fill you with dread – it calms you, centers you, and makes you feel whole because you are